5 Minutes with Taylor

I pick Taylor up from preschool and deliver her to my mother’s house for babysitting four days a week. It’s a ten-minute round-trip, which means I have little five-minute conversations with Taylor. Teddy usually rides with me, and Taylor usually greets him with a squeal every day. And then it’s a five-minute conversation back to the house. We don’t get into anything in depth, but it’s usually a full five minutes. Here are some recent conversations.

- – -

I stopped at the bank on the way home one day, and, as usual, the teller put a referral gift card in with my receipt. (I’ve only gotten a zillion of them.)

“This is for you,” I said, handing it back to Taylor in the back seat.

“What is it?” she asked, glad for an unexpected gift.

“It’s a gift card for free luggage,” I told her. “But it’s only good if you open a checking account. Do you think you can open a checking account?”

“No,” she said wistfully, then a little more brightly, “but I guess I will be getting some money from the tooth fairy.”

And then she told me about the story her teacher read of the child who tricked the tooth fairy by using shark teeth.

- – -

“I have had a very bad day,” Taylor told me after clambering into the car.

“You have? How come?” I asked.

“My friends have all been mean to me, and Morgan would not let me have the Barbie phone,” she said.

“Taylor,” I said. “Someday when you’re all grown up, you’ll look back and see that that Barbie phone wasn’t important at all. In fact, the most important thing is that you are friends with Morgan.”

“But I’m not going to grow up,” she said.

“You’re not?” I asked. “How come?”

“Because my daddy told me that I can’t grow up,” she said.

I think her daddy may just have to be disappointed.

Graduation: December 13, 2008

What a flurry of activity took place the week of graduation! Sharon and I had numerous finals, we had out-of-town family and guests for whom to prepare, and we had to plan our open-house graduation celebration. I was so pleased that three of my Kansas friends came for the event. Jennifer & Paula Yoder and Doris Miller brought my aunt Ida from Kansas. They drove through the night on Thursday and arrived Friday morning about 9 am. My brother Alvin and his family also traveled through the night on Thursday and arrived about 8 am. Sara flew in from VA and arrived in Nashville between 10:30 and 11:00 pm.

By the time graduation rolled around, I had resigned myself to giving some comments at graduation. I had to go to a rehearsal of types on Friday at 11, so that I could do a walk-through while carrying the flag. You would think it be a simple thing, but it was such a bulky thing and because we did a fairly long walk in a part of the hall with a low ceiling, I’m sure I would’ve speared someone or gotten hung up on the ceiling had I not had the opportunity to practice. I also felt a lot better about it after being able to practice. It was at rehearsal, however, that they told me that the previous 0gden Scholar had talked longer than he was supposed to have and that my comments should be limited to two minutes. Wow. I wasn’t planning to speak overly long anyway, but do you know how difficult it is to say anything worthwhile in two minutes? So I had to totally start from scratch again. Sharon was sleeping with me that night, and so I made her stay up to give me inspiration. Needless to say, it was 2 am before it was finally written and we could go to bed.

Sharon went into a mini-panic when she discovered that she had left her hat at home on her closet shelf, and we were already halfway to Bowling Green. Alvin stopped in to get it for her, but they were at least twenty minutes behind us. My instructions were to go to the baseball locker room where the president and all the faculty would be gathering prior to our march into the arena. So Sharon helped get my hat into place, and once her hat finally arrived, I did likewise. When I arrived in the locker room, I was met by the dean of Potter College. He told me that he had seen the TV interview, and while he knows I’m not from his college, he wanted me to know that he is still so very proud of me and wishes me the best! He was so kind and gracious and quickly put me at ease. Then the 0gden Foundation representative came in and found me, and we quickly became chums. We spent a lot of time chatting beforehand, and later, during the ceremony, we sat next to each other, and he would whisper stuff to me that I found rather amusing. I couldn’t tell you what it was because I don’t remember it. But one thing he did tell me was that if I messed up, it would be quite alright. The provost and the president also found their way to the corner I was in and conveyed their congratulations as well.

So then we all gathered around for general announcements and we were launched out into the hall. The president was following me, and with every person he met in the hall, it was “Hello there,” and “There’s a future Hilltopper!” or some other such greeting. We were given the signal to start, and I was second out of the gate. I followed Dr. T. He, as the longest-standing faculty member, carried in the mace. I managed deliver the flag with no mess-ups or trips, and I was glad to sit next to my new friend. And what a sea of faces there were! Unfortunately, while Sharon was in the front row, I couldn’t see her from my vantage point. But everyone could see me as my chair was placed in such a manner that no matter who was speaking–there I was. I hated that. Being on the big screen for almost the entire first hour of the ceremony was no fun… no craning of the neck to see people, no scratching, no moving, no adjusting, no anything!

Soon enough, the Time drew near, and I had to go get my plaque and deliver my two minute speech. Here’s the speech for those of you who are interested:

—–

“I would like to first of all thank the members of the Ogden Foundation for this honor, and I also wish to applaud those of you in this audience who have contributed to my academic journey here at Western in a positive way. As I was reflecting over my time spent here the past four years, I have had to consider that when all is said and done, it is not the high grades nor the accolades that I shall treasure—Rather, I shall value the kindnesses shown me that have made this experience less difficult. I’d like to share an example of this with you.

One of my classes earlier this year required me to purchase a small, paper-back textbook. And the price was $60. I was determined, however, that I should not have to pay so much for a book that was so thin. After some research online, I found that the prior edition was a mere fraction of the cost, and so, a little impulsively, I sent an email to the author’s company and asked them if the changes from one edition to the next were really all that significant. When I didn’t receive a prompt response, I had actually forgotten about the email. So it was with surprise that I received the following email message several weeks later from the author himself:

 

“If you will send me your mailing address,” he wrote, “I will put a copy of the third edition in the mail to you at no charge…. since we were all poor students at one time.”

 

I was astonished and a little embarrassed perhaps, but too grateful not to accept it. And it arrived soon thereafter. Much more valuable to me than the free current edition of the $60 book, however, was the example of the author who was not so out of touch or self-absorbed that he couldn’t remember what it was like to be a “poor college student.”

 

And when I consider the potential success of this graduating class, it strikes me that we will all have opportunities at some point to make someone else’s journey a little easier. And so I will leave you with the challenge I found in the author’s inscription to me: “Go do great things!”

 

How will you use your degree to impact someone else’s world?

 

Thank you and congratulations on your achievements!”

—–

As promised, Dr. W came back for the graduation. After many years as the head of the HCA program, he left Western this past August. “I put my invitation inside my suit coat pocket,” he told me afterward. “I wanted to make sure they would let me in!”

We had a small gathering later that night at Martin’s house for family and friends. Although the week and hullabaloo surrounding graduation was exhausting and not one we care to repeat, we could not help but conclude that we have been exceedingly blessed with an amazing family and many friends. We are appreciative for those of you who took time out of your own busy schedules to celebrate these special moments with us. We thank God for each one of you.

Two Minutes…

So having been designated the 0gden Scholar (which turns out to be a bigger deal than I originally thought), and with being one of two Mennonite sisters who were both graduating at the same time and “with honors,” Sharon and I were catapulted into the media spotlight briefly. They say you get fifteen minutes of fame, and then it’s over. I think “two minutes of fame” would be a little more accurate in our case. At any rate, it started with being contacted by A.B., who wanted to do a story on us for a television segment called “View from the Hill.” Someone told me later that they like to have a big graduation story for every graduation, and this time, Sharon and I were The Big Story. We weren’t all that excited about it, but we agreed to do an interview for the two-minute spot. Let’s just say we did NOT enjoy that process at all. It was so difficult to give an answer that we felt good about while knowing that it could be twisted into something else entirely. This was complicated by not knowing ahead of time what questions were going to be asked. The first question was “Tell us about your community.” Well, that was nice and general, wasn’t it? You could go a thousand different directions with that.

At the same time the television interview was being conducted, the one in charge of media relations for the university was taking notes for the purposes of writing a press release which would then be released to the newspapers. They also had a photographer in the room who was taking many, many pictures. Needless to say, we decided we were not meant for the camera.

The media relations person sent us a rough draft of his piece ahead of time, and we took the liberty of making corrections. And he was fine with us making corrections, which we appreciated so much. In the end, we liked his article much better than any other thing that was put out there. What happens is that the University sends out their article in the form of a press release, which other newspapers can then take and publish as their own story. A reprint was not good enough for the BG paper, however, and they wanted to write their own story. So we had a late night interview with one of their reporters. Unlike the university, we were not given a chance to edit it, which resulted in a poorly written, inaccurate article. We absolutely hated it. The other smaller newspapers stuck with the university version, for which we were very grateful.

When we were contacted by the university’s radio station for an interview, we were beginning to feel harassed. We were much bolder by this time, however, and told her that the only way we would consider it is if she sent us the questions ahead of time. She mostly stuck to the questions, although she did throw some curves into it. I haven’t had the nerve to listen to the interview yet, but Sharon did, and we were both very upset to find that the intro she stuck in there when the piece was edited was her own version of what she had wanted us to say (and didn’t). I had also sent her some corrections after the interview and asked her not to include certain questions, and according to Sharon, she did anyway. We were SO NOT HAPPY! They say don’t believe everything the media throws at you, and we are here to tell you that that is true.

We have decided that there is the Real Truth and then there is the Censored Truth. And what makes these interviews so difficult is that you have to give the Censored Truth on the fly. What do I mean by that? Well, for example, one question they repeatedly ask is if we have experienced any rejection from our community because of attending college. Or alternatively, have we received support from our community, and if so, how? Well, the Censored Truth is that no, we have not been “rejected,” per se, and our community has supported us as best as they know how. Any conservative Mennonite who has been in college would probably know all too well that the Real Truth is slightly different.

We knew the story had hit the newspapers when Sharon and I went to the dry cleaners early one morning, and the dry cleaning lady told us how much she had enjoyed reading our article. We were a little startled, but it was the first of many such comments from people we met in passing. For example:

• We met one teenager in Nashville who came up to us and asked us if we were from Franklin (turns out, she was too and had seen the article). When we confirmed that yes, we were, in fact, the subjects of the article, she was sooo pleased and just beamed.
• The night before graduation, Sharon had run into Wal-Mart for a couple items. A lady approached her and said, “I know you’re going to think I’m crazy, but are you one of the ladies graduating tomorrow?” Sharon said yes, and she next asked if she was the one going for accounting. Sharon thought it was kind of creepy to have some random unknown person know that much about you.
• One day at school, Sharon was getting off the elevator, and an elderly gentleman that she had run into numerous times over the past four years stopped her and said, “I read about you in the paper. You’re a Starrr!”
• When Sharon’s friends, Ryan and Jenna, heard about the upcoming TV spot, they both declared they were going to call all their friends and relatives to watch it. Jenna said that she was going to call the TV station and ask for a copy of the segment and tell them, “Those are my friends!”
• Dr. W1 announced to the entire class that we were going to be on TV and that they should go home and watch it.
• I told Dr. W2—who had written one of my letters of recommendation for me—about having gotten the award. He said he was going to put it in the departmental newsletter. I said that I didn’t think it was necessary, but he said, “No, no. You don’t understand. It’s not about you. It’s about a student of MINE getting the award. I now have bragging rights!”
• When Sharon and I were standing in line in the bookstore on campus, one of the cashiers called out, “Are you sisters? I read about you in the paper.”

So here are some of the headlines:

• WKU: “Sisters from Mennonite Community Among WKU’s Top Scholars”
• Bowling Green: “Value of Education Goes Far for Graduating Sisters”
• Franklin: “Two Mennonite Sisters to get Honors Degrees”
• Russellville: “Schmuckers to be Honored at WKU”
• Franklin (post graduation): “Schmuckers Receive Honors at WKU’s Commencement”

Here is the link for the television interview: http://www.wku.edu/news/releases08/december/scholars.html

And the flurry of good wishes flowing in from the public was astonishing… we feel blessed to have been shown such support. I’d like to share some of those:

From Classmates:

• Hi Kris, All I can say is CONGRATULATIONS! I went to [Western's] website and read an article about you and your sister. What an accomplishment! ~W.L.
• Congratulations. You’ve both done a really good job. ~B.W.
• Congratulations on your honor and achievements. Good luck in your MPH courses. ~W.H.
• Kris, I read this article about you and your sister today! I used to see a lady on campus and she looked very much like you, but I just thought it was a coincidence!! I now know that it was your sister Sharon. Congratulations on your accomplishments! You are very knowledgeable about health care and I know you will succeed at everything you put your mind to! I’ve enjoyed getting to know you and I look forward to keeping in touch, beyond our days at WKU!…see you tonight for our final! Good Luck! ~T.C.
• I am so happy that both of you have done so well and are graduating with honors. That is so great! I really liked learning more about your family and your travels tonight on the news. I had no idea. How fun to have such a supportive family. I am proud to have known you both and am really happy about your success!! ~E.S.
• Sharon, I just wanted to congratulate you on graduating. It is a great feeling. ~C.S.
• I finished reading the article on WKU’s website after we got off the phone. I thought it was great and you and Kris should both be very proud of yourselves. Don’t be embarrassed. You can’t help it that you’re geniuses. ~R.B.

From Professors:

• Wonderful radio interviews. Now you are REAL celebrities. It was…no IS my pleasure to know you and Sharon. You are fantastically gifted young ladies, who will make an enormous impact on everyone you touch and everything you do. If I can assist you in any way in your future success, PLEASE DO NOT hesitate to call. ~H.L.
• Dear Kris and Sharon, Congratulations to both of you on your academic achievements. It was wonderful to see you today. I have now caught up on the news a bit: seen the Daily News story, read the WKU news story, and seen the video spot on the WKU web site. Your comments indicate a tremendous amount of discipline and character. It was so nice of you to mention how much the trip to Germany in 2006 meant to you. I’m going to forward the links to Markus. I am sure he will be excited to see them. ~L.M.
• I saw you at the WKU graduation and was so very pleased that you were recognized a WKU outstanding scholar!!!! I am proud of you and wish you the very best. I would like to talk with you sometime […]. Hope all is well. Again, congratulations. ~S.J.
• Sharon, Congratulations! I just learned you were named one of the two Scholars for the Gordon Ford College of Business for the December Commencement. ~S.W.
• Sharon, (You are a celebrity!) Not only do you have a 4.00 GPA, had a perfect performance in my class, but you also made the news. Congratulations! I read the story about you and Kris. I am sure you will ace your CPA exam. Just study for it! ~G.K.
• Great job, Kris! We are all so very proud of you. I plan on being there to see you get your award! Sincere best wishes always. ~C.W.

From my friends at CHC/Medical Center:

• You didn’t tell me about this!  I am very proud of you and your family. ~C.S.
  
• Hey Kris!!  I wanted to congratulate you on receiving the 0gden Scholarship Award.  That is great!!  You are such a good student… Dr. W. would be so proud  Congratulations again!! ~S.W.
  
• Hey Kris, Congratulations on the 0gden Scholarship award. What an accomplishment!  I know your parents are extremely proud of both you and Sharon.  I read the article in the newspaper – it was really good.  Both you and Sharon are inspirations proving you can do anything with confidence and support.  But what really is important is your devotion in using your education to help your Church family.  We should all strive for that kind of profession.  Way to go! I hope everything is going well with your graduate studies.  Hang in there because I know your hard work is going to pay off.  Take care and keep in touch. ~M.C.
• Congratulations, Graduate!!!  What an honor!!!  C.S. shared with me about your 0gden Scholarship Award.  Way to Go!!!! Good luck with your future endeavors. ~C.P.
  
• Congratulations on your upcoming graduation.  We wish you all the best. ~V.T.
  
• Congratulations on being awarded the 0gden Scholarship!  I am very happy for you, and you must be ecstatic.  This award does not come as a surprise to me since I’ve had the pleasure to get to work and know you.  I have seen firsthand what you are capable of and the intelligence you possess.  Again, congratulations and best wishes! ~R.M.
  
• WAY TO GO KRIS!!!!! I AM SO HAPPY AND SO VERY PROUD OF YOU!!!!!! CONGRATS!!!!!!! ~T.S.
  

From Acquaintances:

• My mother-in-law from Franklin called me and told me about the news regarding your graduation from college! Just wanted to say congratulations..that is a wonderful achievement!!! ~M.D.
• Dear Sara, I was on my way to Florida and PBS-WESTERN had an interview with your sisters!  It was such a good interview.  I could just picture them as they were talking.  Then Meg e-mailed me that they were on TV.  And tonight there was a BIG article in the Glasgow Daily Times about them with their pictures!  They are celebrities.  You must be very proud of them as I am sure they are of you.  It’s absolutely amazing what you three did with that 8th grade education you had.  I couldn’t be more proud of you if you were my own family.  When you talk with them, please tell them I said “congratulations on the good work”  and keep on going! ~J.E. {former USPS coworker}
  
• Hi Kris and Sharon, I was so surprised to see you both in the newspaper and on TV! Congratulations on your accomplishments. Aren’t you glad you didn’t make the USPS a career! ~J.W. {former USPS coworker}
  
• What celebrities you are! TV & newspaper write ups—just wonderful! We are so very proud of you and your accomplishments and all that you stand for. I’m so glad that I had the chance, through Mother and Daddy, to get to know you! God bless you wherever your paths may lead! ~G.P
  
• We wanted to say congratulations for all your accomplishments. What a very special lady you are and how proud your parents must be! Way to go! Congrats to your sister as well! Best of luck and good wishes! ~J.T.
  
• Congratulations on your graduation. I saw the news article that was written about you and kris . God bless you as you use your schooling for His glory! ~S.S.
  
• Sharon, I am so proud of you!  I knew you would go to school someday.  I am excited for your sister as well.  I know you don’t like publicity, but you never know who is watching and can offer you a job. I have thought about you several times and wondered what you were doing.  Once again, I am very proud of you!!! ~S.T.
  
  

From Family:

• yayyyyyy, Kris, you’re awesome!  Go for global engagement!!!! ~Andrew
• I’m proud of you for doing it, but just let me say, I would NOT have done it! Whatever did you answer for the civic question? That gives me the chills and I don’t even have to answer it. ~Sara
• I’m afraid if they had asked me the civic engagement question I would have said, “can you define civic engagement for me, please?” And I’m quite proud of her.  I think it will be fantastic to have her speak at my commencement! ~Sharon
• Congratulations! I am so incredibly proud of you! And I am so disappointed that I won’t be able to be there. Please, please have someone make a video so I can at least see belatedly. There was no doubt in my mind that you would be the winner. They had no other choice! You just bowled them over with your knowledge, you grace under pressure, and your charm. I wish I could have been there to see the interview! ~Uncle Joe
• Congratulations!  I am also quite proud of you and I know you can make that speech!  If you can face that sea of stern faces and answer their questions (and win), then you can speak to a friendly crowd and tell them what you want to. ~Mom
  
• Congratulations on such a prestigious honor and a load of cash. ~Martha
  
• We’re thrilled and proud of you!  Lyle says, “Many happy returns of the day!”  I assume that doesn’t mean the interview, but rather the day you get the scholarship check. ~Maria
• I am SOOO excited! ~Jolene
• Wow… wowwwwww. ~Louisa
• First off,Kudos to you Kris ! I am awed that there is such intelligence within our family. Do you think some of it might rub off if I touched you? Smile. And yes, I know that you can give out a few words of wisdom at commencement. Just imagine that you’re on your soap box and you’re expounding to
  a bunch of your best friends. YOU CAN DO IT !!!! ~Aunt Ida
  
• Kris- Congratulations on your honors. ~Nora
  
• Congratulations to you and Sharon! Don’t worry Kris, fame typically lasts 15 minutes!  It was a great article. ~Annie
• This is a small note to congratulate each on your wonderful and outstanding accomplishment. Jay and I hope and pray that you are very proud of yourselves. The fruits of your hard-work and determination are finally here. We wish each much success and the very best now and always. It is time for celebration and party!!!!! Congratulations once again! ~Liz

0gden Scholar Award

As many of you know, Sharon and I graduated on December 13. I thought I would try to summarize all the goings-on of the past month for blogging purposes and for those of you who are interested. I will do this in multiple postings.

Graduation… wow! What an ordeal that was! What made it extraordinarily frantic was because somehow I landed the 0gden Scholar Award. So here is how that happened (the following is an email sent to my family on 11/18/08):

As some of you may know, I was approached by the registrar last spring and was asked to defer my graduation until December.  As an August graduate, you get to pick whether you want to walk in May or walk in December.  If I waited until December, J.B., the registrar, told me, I would definitely be the Scholar of my College, an honor that goes to the student with the highest GPA in his or her respective college.  The catch is that you have to be totally finished, including internships, and that precluded me from getting the honor at the May ceremony.  In addition, J.B.  told me, if I deferred until December, I would “be invited to apply” for the 0gden Scholar award.  This award is open to all the Scholars of the Colleges, of which there are approximately 9-12(ish).  Of that pool, they select three applicants, whom they will interview before making a final decision. 

I know a lot more about this now than I did then.  When I was first contacted by J.B., I kept asking her, “now what is this for again?”  and “now who qualifies for this?”  Well, because it worked out better for Alvins and Sara to come to only one graduation (rather than one in May and another in December), and with the enticement of the possibility of a $1000 award attached to the 0gden Scholar, I chose to defer my graduation to December.  In the meantime, I would finish up my internship and head into my first semester of graduate school in the fall. 

 The day before we left for Europe would have been my original graduation date.  I went ahead and attended the ceremony and watched sadly as all my Real Friends graduated without me. 

 And I beheld the duties required of the 0gden Scholar.  And I was upset. 

 The Ogden Scholar, as it turns out, leads the faculty up onto the stage doing nothing less than carrying the Western flag (I’ve only touched a flag once or so… at VBS when I was…like, three).  And he sits with the faculty… facing the crowd.  And HE SPOKE FOR EXACTLY A VERY LONG TIME.   Does this sound like something I am interested in? That would be a negative.

 So fast forward to October.  This has been as stressful of a semester as any to date.  I can barely eek my stuff in on time.  And then J.B. calls me again and informs me that yes, I am, in fact, the Scholar of the College and that as such I am invited to apply for the 0gden Scholar award.  I was less than enthusiastic, and so I finally asked her, “the 0gden Scholar speaks at commencement, doesn’t he?”  Why yes, as a matter of fact, that’s right… and that is a very good thing to know, she said, and she is glad that I mentioned it. 

 Well, YESS!  That would be that would be something to consider, wouldn’t it? 

 I told her I would think about it, but that speaking at commencement would likely keep me from applying.  I hung up and no less than two minutes later, J.B. called me back and said that she is sure that if I were really opposed to it, that I could decline to speak and still get the award.  “No one would have to know,” she said.

 Well, as it turns out, Sharon and her friend Ryan tied for being Scholars of their college as well, and they are also invited to apply.  But they didn’t, because, Sharon says… regarding the required essay, “I couldn’t possibly.” 

 Whatever! 

 So I considered it… and I made some contacts to see if I could find some people to write letters of recommendation on my behalf…just in case.  And they gladly consented (my preceptor from my internship and one of my professors). 

 And with everything else that I’ve had going on… I barely eeked out my application and essay by the deadline.  I decided that since I was having letters submitted on my behalf, I had better go ahead and apply. 

 So I get a phone call a week ago, and dear J.B. is sooo happy to tell me that I have made it to the final three. 

 And a knife twists in the pit of my stomach even as we made arrangements for The Interview. 

 And The Interview was TONIGHT [11/18/08].  At 6:00. 

 And next to almost missing the train to Treviso (nothing will ever top that), that interview has to be the WORST experience in my short-term memory.  It was sooooo horrrrrible. 

 J.B. herself ushered me into the room, but before I entered, she made sure to tell me that all the colleges are represented and that “F.C.” is the representative of the 0gden Foundation.  I had the feeling she was giving me a Hint, but I didn’t know what to do with it. 

 And I walked into that room and nearly fainted.  It was a sea of stern faces that stared back at me (anyone remember the Dorrie books with the pictures of the long tables with all the figures dressed in black?). 

 All I could think was “I have changed my mind.” 

 I walked around and shook hands with everyone as if I were at an Amish church service.  And they were kind enough to point out that I would get the “hot seat.” So I sat at a table all by myself facing the mob.  Each person was able to ask one question, and they started with Dr. Trafton (former professor of Jolene’s).  I knew I was in trouble when he came out with “Describe your civic engagement experiences and what civic engagement means to you personally.” 

 Talk about a deer in the headlights.

 The questions were simply awful (variations of the following—I can’t possibly remember the actual questions): 

 1.       “In your time here at Western, what was your greatest obstacle, and how did you overcome it?”  [The one answer I remember: " Being all things to all people."  How did I overcome it? "By defining my limitations and letting other people know what they are."  (translation:  just say no)].

2.       How have your experiences prepared you for global engagement?

3.       What one research project have you done that you found the most interesting?

4.       What do you see yourself doing in four to six years?

5.       If you could do one thing over in your time here at Western, what would it be?

 Awkward, awkward, awkward.  It was literally a series of impromptu speeches through which I just muddled my way.  Anyone who knows me well knows that I do not think well on the fly.  I don’t remember how I answered which question, but somehow, I talked about Mr. Wilson (from the Tech School), about Menno-culture, about my work with SEMMA (they were very intrigued by that), about my dad, and various other and sundry things.  And by the end, I was “Kris—Master of the Beady-Eyed Look.”  And when my time was up, I fled the scene.  It is very cold around here right now, and I found myself shivering with teeth chattering—but I knew it wasn’t from the cold.  I literally felt white.

I called Sharon on the way home and loudly lamented how terrible that experience was.  And when I got home, I paced the hall.  And I cleared my desk of all unnecessary things.  And I attempted to eat some Ramen Noodles, but the only thing that could make me feel better was ice cream, and so my noodles ended up in the Puppy Bowl. 

 You would think the story would end there…  but no.

At 8:02 p.m., the telephone rang.  The caller ID said “C., F.”  J.B. had originally told me I wouldn’t know anything until the first of December, and so I assumed they must have forgotten to ask me the Final Question.  So I picked it up and identified myself.  And F.C. himself was happy to inform me that I AM THE WINNER.  And he was also happy to inform me that I would get to carry the Western flag and would “get to” make some comments at commencement. 

 Well, blow me over with a feather!!!  I didn’t have the heart to tell him I object. 

 Anyone know how to carry a flag?

Thanksgiving To Do List

To Do Before Monday, Dec. 1

 

1. 15-20 page research paper (100% complete, TTL!)

2. Thirty Chapter Summaries (73% complete)

 

To Do Before Tuesday, Dec. 2

 

1. Employee Manual (0% complete)

2. Read Chapters 14, 18 (0% complete)

3. Prepare for Case Study (0% complete)

4. Ten-page Literature Review on ten articles (0% complete)

 

To Do Before Thursday, Dec. 4

 

1. Project in Microsoft Project (0% complete)

 

To Do Before Friday, Dec. 5

 

1. Access Database Project (95% complete)

2. Website (95% complete)

3. Write Request for Proposal (RFP) (0% complete)

 

Things are looking ripe for a Miracle.

Gone—but not Forgotten!

I don’t consider myself to be one of those people who buys brand name items for the sake of the brand name. When I find a product I really like, however, I do expect the store in which I found the product to carry it permanently. I have an internal system which stamps my own brand of approval on certain products, very similar to the well-known “Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.” And I am very loyal to those products until the day when, inevitably, it disappears from the shelf! Just what is up with that?

Unfortunately, it seems my entire life has been plagued with great products disappearing. When I was a mere young child, Mom would get this cereal for us called “Fortified Oat Flakes.” And those were the best flakes in the world. They were a little pricier than bran flakes, and they didn’t give us the silverware that eating 200 boxes of bran flakes did (Mom got about twenty place settings of that bran flake silverware, and so you can imagine we got bran-flaked out!). So when we did get to eat Fortified Oat Flakes—My! What a treat! And then they stopped making it for a very long period of time. Probably five or six years later, Post (?) brought those oat flakes back for a period of time, and we loved them just as much. And then they disappeared again and haven’t been seen since! How tragic! Other things from my childhood that have disappeared include Bonkers (candy) and good Vitamin C’s (the ones you get now just aren’t the same).

This is just one example of high-quality products disappearing from local inventories. There was my favorite scent of deodorant, for example—now gone. After months of Sharon’s favorite deodorant being gone, she finally found it—in a salvage grocery store! Martha White lemon poppy seed muffins—yummy! Bowling Green has it, but it’s not to be found in Franklin! And it’s the same story with Blueberry Morning. My favorite razor (Gillette Agility)—gone! They’ve recently either stopped making, or at least stopped carrying, the narrow, full-sized Goody’s hair combs (are you kidding me?). Then there was Great Value (Wal-Mart brand) sparkling lemonade ($.50 per liter) that was so delicious and is now gone—probably to make room for the nasty GV crackers. The Great Value cheese pizza was one of the best frozen pizzas in the freezer aisle. It too is gone. For a while baking parchment paper (a wonderful product) was missing. (It has recently made a reappearance, and I have stocked up!)

Remember pentels?! The ones with the twist-eraser but WITHOUT the grip—gone. The supposed “upgrade” is a sad, sad mistake. And then there are the shoes… I was much too poor to afford a pair of Eastlands when they were very much the rage, and by the time I became of monetary means sufficient to make a $60 purchase—gone. Oh, sure there are the kind that have 3 in. soles, but they just aren’t the same. (Lucky for me, the Franklins came back as a limited edition, and so I do now own a pair—a pair for which I must wear band-aids so my heels aren’t torn up.)

And the newly-revamped fabric department at my local Wal-Mart—what a JOKE! If you can find a zipper and thread in there, count yourself lucky.

And herein lies the tragedy of my tale. I currently have a very, very sore throat—the kind that requires a full head movement every time I swallow. The kind where you have white pus pockets on your tonsils. The kind where the doc takes a look and says, “oh my!” The kind where Mom makes chicken soup and Dad says she must donate the whole pot to the cause of getting better. The kind where I am inclined to gag every once in a while as my throat closes up due to no lozenge in my mouth. The kind that wakes you up in the middle of the night. And THERE IS NO CEPASTAT on the shelves of any drug store anywhere!! Oh, there is Cepacol alright—BUT IT’S NOT THE SAME. There are Chloraseptic lozenges—which I bought today and could not even finish the first one (Free Cycle it is). My Halls Breezers (a fairly new product) are there to provide some taste relief at least, but my favorite flavor of last year—Tropical Chill—GONE!

So let me extol the virtues of Cepastat. Cepastat is only the number one sore throat lozenge, as far as I am concerned. It deadens the throat, and the taste is not bad at all. And the stores are selling Chloraseptic Disgust in its place??? Thank goodness for the Internet. I have found that Cepastat is, in fact, still being made. It’s probably being sold in stores somewhere too. But not anywhere around here!! And so I have ordered three boxes of Cepastat from PlanetRX.com. I was too cheap, however, to expedite the shipping, and so it should make it just in time for next year’s sore throat.

In the meantime, I am offering my services as a retail product consultant even as I wonder which one of my current favorites will be the next to join the ranks of the “Gone but not forgotten” club.

What products do you miss?

 

 

Three States of the World

“There are three states of the world,” Dr. W said at the beginning of class on Thursday night. “You can take your test now, you can take it in thirty minutes, or you can take it on Monday.”

Over the past several years, I have taken many, many tests from Dr. W (~15), and I have at least three of his classes in the grad program. His tests are admittedly a terror to prepare for and take, but he is an absolute saint when it comes to flexibility in taking them. If you’re not ready to take the test when it is time for it, he will let you take it at an alternate day or time, AND he does not penalize you for it with points lost or by giving you a harder test if you wait. He has been known to allow five or six alternate times up to two weeks after a test was originally scheduled.

“The point is not to stress you out,” he has said on many occasions. “The point is to have you learn this stuff.” Only once in all his classes did I ever postpone a test that got the best of me (he did a double-take that time), and that was last semester for the finance exam before the final. My classmates routinely took him up on alternate exam times, and there were times when three or fewer of us took the test on time.

What makes his tests so hard is that it is by and large brute memorization of concepts you really don’t understand. He gives you study questions consisting anywhere from 50-80 (if we’re lucky) essay questions that vary by difficulty. We have to prepare for all eighty of them, but then we are only tested on 12-14 of them. Each question usually has several “sub-questions” contained within, and so it is not just the one question you’re answering—it’s multiple questions. Here is an example:

#9. What is the difference between a tractable and intractable problem? What is the difference between an algorithm and a heuristic? What makes a model robust?

We all agreed that this particular test was one of his hardest tests to prepare for to date, and was the one we were least equipped to handle in a long time. I would rate the difficulty of it right up there with my finance final. There are a couple of us who have two of his classes right now, and we had just been through the memorization routine with first test on Tuesday night of the same week. As soon as the test was over, we had to start in on memorizing the material for the exam on Thursday night.

So when Emily begged for thirty more minutes of study time, he graciously let us have it. That was the first time he allowed us to use up class time for studying, but it was a “state of the world” for which I was extremely grateful. Ten minutes before class started, I discovered I had overlooked a sheet of questions he had given us at the end of the last class. So I had an additional 6-7 questions to learn in a very short time.

You hate his tests, but you just can’t help but love the guy himself. He does anything he can for you. As Dr. W often says, “The goal is to graduate people with skills,” and he does what it takes to ensure just that. I just wish I liked the process a little better.

No Mojo Left

I am trying to work on homework. Despite the new light I recently bought for my desk, I feel like I can’t see anything. I have lost all motivation (“mojo,” in college-speak), and waves of despair wash over me afresh as I contemplate exactly how much work I have to do before this semester can be considered finished.

When my professor told us during Class One that we were to read our textbook and write thirty chapter summaries, I knew it would take a lot of time. I approached it as I usually do—grit my teeth and try to get it over and done with sooner rather than later. My strategy was to do five chapters per week so that I can get finished with enough time left to do the 15-20 page research paper that is required for the same class. At the end of the eighth chapter summary (22 left), I can see how much time goes into it, and I fear I cannot finish this within a year—much less within six weeks.

I asked my classmate Dave, who has yet to complete his first chapter summary, how he plans to finish it all. “Well Kris,” he said, “I very likely will do a shoddier job on it than you will.”

I honestly don’t know how to do shoddy jobs. I’m not a perfectionist, by any means, but neither do I want to hand anything in that is anything less than what I consider to be my best (or at least a good) effort. It really stinks sometimes (like now).

Last semester, my finance professor told me that he thought my financial analysis paper is the best one he has ever received—even better than any from his graduate students. I was very surprised because I felt I only did what I interpreted the instructions to have told me to do. I estimated that I probably put an accumulated 24 hours into my paper—whereas one of my classmates was bragging that she “slapped [hers] together in an hour.”

How do you just slap something together in an hour?

The problem often comes in that I take the instructions I am given… quite literally. And I do everything it says to do (and probably a little more). My classmates, on the other hand, seemingly put about half of the energy into whatever the instructions would indicate. And they often get full credit for doing so. How inequitable is that?

I have to say, however, I have been seeing a general decline in the quality of my work with each summary that I am painstakingly cranking out. That is progress, in my opinion, and I am rather proud of it.

The Water Closet (WC)

So we went to Rafferty’s (restaurant) last night, as one will periodically do on a Saturday night. You might [understandably] question why I am posting a photo of Rafferty’s restroom instead of the beautiful salad I had, and I am, of course, happy to explain. Sharon first discovered its virtues, and since we have discussed this topic from all angles at one time or another, I had to investigate personally. And yes, this little restroom stall, in my opinion, is an example from which many architects and design experts can take lessons.

• First of all, it would be helpful to note that it is not the size of a restroom stall that is important. No—it is largely in the placement of the “tools,” (i.e., location, location, location).
• Notice that the toilet is exactly centered in this little space. It isn’t closer to one side than it is the other.
• Furthermore, there is adequate space on both sides. No cold stall wall to cuddle with “during business hours.”
• It is not overly spacious—neither is it too small. It has long been my contention that it is simply not necessary to have one toilet dedicated to a space that is large enough to accommodate “snow angels” or the local little league baseball game, all the while lines are forming on the outside, and the one existing toilet is slammed up against the wall. Our restroom at church, for example, has two stalls which allow the doors to rest gently against your knees while the third stall is large enough to run small laps. Poor, poor design.
• Additionally, the location of the paper supplies in this little palace is elevated (Wow! What a concept!) instead of being level with or lower than the seat itself. No awkward positions or contortions are necessary to reach up inside of a TP dispenser, searching in vain for the tail end of the roll.
• Notice too that the walls of the stall are from floor to ceiling and are made of a sensible, washable tile! This is a highly desirable feature as I can go about my business without fearing that my shoes are the item of scorn from any neighbors.

I have ranted about public restroom etiquette before, and to be certain, I have Opinions on this matter. But I firmly believe that to make the public restroom experience one of TOTAL satisfaction, one should go beyond restroom etiquette and recognize that restroom design is an integral part of just such an experience.

So yay for Rafferty’s! On this one, you got it right.

Note: In my perfectly designed restroom of the future, you will be sure to find my friend, the Dyson Airblade. I was first introduced to this little guy in the Time Warner Building in NYC a year ago. It features a quiet motor, a 12-second dry time, and an awesome hand-drying experience. I priced this machine this past summer during my internship, and unfortunately, it will be quite some time before I will be of the economic status to afford one. But one can dream, right?

This is Mari Beth and Cindy—enjoying the Dyson Airblade.

Grad School

Grad school is hard! And I don’t like it much. There is soooo much homework, and the writing is endless. In one class alone, I have to write a 15-20 page research paper in addition to thirty (30) chapter summaries in an 832-page book. I mean, these professors actually expect us to read our textbooks! How novel is that?

The classes I am taking this semester are as follows: Managed Care, Healthcare Organization & Management, Human Resources, Decision-Making, and an Informatics computer lab (taking up three weekends).

“I hate my homework life,” I told Sharon earlier this evening. She thinks she has it just as bad, but I’m not so sure.